Stress and Sleep
It is common and normal to have disturbed sleep during challenging times such as:
• Problems or dissatisfaction at work
• Starting a new and exciting work challenge
• Relationship or family problems
• Times of significant life change or uncertainty
• Grieving and bereavement
When life is giving us ongoing, unrelenting pressures then our body-mind’s chronic (persisting over time) stress response can cause ongoing sleep disruption.
Our stress response is natural and normal. It’s how our mind and body are motivated and mobilised to take action in response to living life. We need it whether we are moving towards what is important to us, or trying to move away from what we don’t want. Some stress is good for our health and helps us create the life that we want. A short term night or two of disturbed sleep when something we are excited or worried about is happening is manageable. The problem comes when our life challenges and our stress response persist over time. Then we find disturbed sleep going on for months or longer and making us feel even more stressed.
How do you know if stress is disturbing your sleep?
When we are stressed our mind and body release hormones cortisol and adrenaline. We are then ready for action, not sleep. It can be hard to fall asleep or you find yourself waking in the middle of the night unable to get back to sleep. When you should be sleeping your mind is busy worrying and planning. You may also become worried about not being able to get enough sleep, and paradoxically this stops you sleeping! This can set up a negative spiral. Insufficient sleep causing low energy, concentration and motivation, leaving you less able to navigate life’s stresses during the day, and then even less able to sleep at night.
What to do when stress doesn't let you sleep?
When there are stressors that are not going away any time soon, then what can be done to improve sleep? When going through times of challenge it’s natural and normal to be feeling more stressed, you can’t pretend everything is fine. But you can optimise your stress response. You can learn skills to access to your body’s natural resources to manage stress. You can learn to find the motivation to put down unhelpful short term stress fixes such as unhealthy eating, drinking etc… You can learn how to set yourself up for the best chance of sleep. On the last page of this newsletter there are simple suggestions to set up a routine and environment that can help your sleep. But what if it is your mind that is keeping you awake?
What to do when your busy mind is keeping you awake with worry, planning or despair?
It’s normal for our mind to try to problem solve beyond the present moment; in the future or past. Our mind and body are not separate but integral parts of our whole, so we also physically react as if the event is actually happening right now. This is why we can have real feelings of excitement, joy, fear or dread about something that hasn’t actually happened yet. Or something from the past that is no longer happening. In this way the human mind is a source of our imagination and creativity, but also of suffering!
You can’t expect to feel happy when you’re in a difficult situation; you will have plenty of painful thoughts and feelings. But you can learn new skills to handle painful thoughts and feelings more effectively; to reduce their impact and influence over you, so they don’t hold you back, run your life or pull you around. You can develop skills to hold difficult thoughts and feelings and minimise the stress they cause you. You can learn to respond to your mind and develop the ability to treat yourself with kindness, acting as friend to yourself rather than your mind beating you up.
Connect with your deeper wisdom.
You can learn how to connect to your deeper wisdom and insight to get clarity on what is really important to you. Get clear on what you want to stand for, who you want to be as you navigate a time of challenge. Being able to accept what is outside your control, and being able to act effectively where you do have control.
Imagine if we met 5 years from now, if I asked ‘which of your values did you live by, how did you behave towards yourself and others during this time in face of your challenge?’ What would you like to answer me?
What to do when your mind is really pulling around with worry and unwelcome thoughts
1. Don’t take your problems to bed. It can help to get busy thoughts out on paper. Before bed write down your worries, and set a specific time the next day to address them. (Try this in the middle of the night when your worried mind won’t let you sleep.) If you know it, you could apply the ‘worry tree’ (or ask me how).
2. If your mind is persistent, and relentlessly coming up with troubling thoughts then try this:
I’m having the thought that …
This is a quick 30 second practice to help you begin to gain perspective, so that you can unhook from unwelcome thoughts. They will still be there but having perspective will stop you getting caught up or controlled by them. Practice it anytime during the day, or night!
A. Take a stance of curiosity, as you observe what is going on in your inner world.
Check in with your body and mind, notice what kind of thoughts your mind is producing? Notice how your body interacts with thoughts e.g. are there areas of tension, tightness or numbness?
Now put your unwelcome or stressful thought into a short sentence:
e.g. “I’ve got to get this right or I’m going to let them down” or “I can’t relax or take time for myself until this thing is over”
B. For 10 seconds fuse with this thought, feeling or sensation: really get caught up in it, give it your full attention, take it literally and believe it as much as you possibly can.
C. For the next 10 seconds: silently replay the thought with this phrase in front of it:
“I’m having the thought that …”
For example, “I’m having the thought that I’ve got to get this right or I’m going to let them down.”
D. Now replay it one more time for another 10 seconds, but this time add this phrase
“I notice I’m having the thought that … ”
For example, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’ve got to get this right or I’m going to let them down”
What happened? Did you notice any sense of separation or distance from the thought? If not, run through the practice again with the same, or a different thought.
Sleep Help:
*Routine. *Environment. *Stimulus Control. *Thinking.
*Routine
Keep your bed time and waking up time regular to help your body’s natural sleep rhythm. Learn how to identify your individual circadian and ultradian rhythm to identify optimal times for you. Then go to bed and wake at up at the same time (within 20 mins) every day, including the weekends.
Ensure exposure to natural daylight. Exposure to sunlight during the day especially in the morning, and darkness at night helps to maintain a healthy sleep-wake cycle.
Exercise daily to promote good quality sleep. Even 10 minutes of daytime aerobic exercise, e.g. walking or cycling, can improve your night time sleep quality.
*Environment
Evaluate your bedroom to ensure ideal temperature, sound, light and comfort. Avoid bright lights, mobile phone, computer and TV screens. Consider using blackout curtains, eye shades or ear plugs.
*Stimulus Control
If you’re lying awake in bed for longer than 20 minutes, get out of bed keep the lights dim and do something tedious or boring until you’re sleepy/tired, then return to bed to sleep. Reducing the amount of time being in bed while not actually being asleep will help stop your mind/body learning that it’s OK to be in bed wide awake.
Avoid heavy food or drinking any liquids 2 hours before bedtime.
Avoid stimulants such as caffeine, nicotine close to bedtime. Stop caffeine intake 6 hours before bedtime to give time for your body to metabolise the caffeine.
* Thinking
Learn new ways to respond mindfully and skilfully to all your thoughts, emotions, sensations – even the unwelcome ones!
Give yourself space to explore and get clarity on what it means to you to live in a satisfying and meaningful way, even during times of challenge. Learn to develop ways of taking effective action towards that life.
Build resilience in the face of life’s challenges. So you can stay connected with yourself, your aspirations, what you love, and live with compassion towards yourself and others.
If you would like to explore more about improving your sleep within the Calm, Energy and Resilience Program that I am offering, please email or call me on 0207 235 3471 for a FREE Discovery Session.
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References
(1) Rusch HL, Rosario M, Levison LM, et al. The effect of mindfulness meditation on sleep quality: a systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Ann N Y Acad Sci. 2019;1445(1):5-16. doi:10.1111/nyas.13996
(2) Levin, M., Hildebrant, M., Lillis, J., and Hayes, S. C. (2012). The impact of treatment components suggested by the psychological flexibility model: a meta-analysis of laboratory-based component studies. Behav. Ther. 43, 741–756. doi: 10.1016/j. beth.2012.05.003
(3) National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, Clinical Knowledge Summaries.(2016). http:// cks.nice.org.uk/insomnia#!scenariorecommendation:2
(4) Mitchell, M.D., Gehrman, P., Perlis, M., & Umscheid, C.A. (2012). Comparative effectiveness of cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia: a systematic review. BMC Family Practice 25: 13 – 40.